I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
