I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
