you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
