great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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