Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
