Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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