My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
