i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
