You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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