video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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