I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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