and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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