I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Couch. On fire.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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