I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
