I am in a vortex of obligation.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
