im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
