the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
