you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
