Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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