We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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