I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
