Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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