i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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