community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
