Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
