Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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