i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
