tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
