okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You may now shotgun with the bride
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
