i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
