her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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