You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
