your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You're like the curious george of whores
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
