Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
