How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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