my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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