A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
