Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
