When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
