The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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