Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
