In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
