Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
