Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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