Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
