Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Randomize
