Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
