one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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