She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
