Barsexuality is the new black.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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