The best revenge is premature balding
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
